My sincere apologies for not blogging more often. Once again, a very hot summer here in the South and all over the United States, it seems. A second and third outbreak of scabies at the prison in a year required classes to be cancelled and everything to be shut down, especially for volunteers like me. Lockdowns seem to happen on Wednesdays, the very day my meetings with the women are scheduled.
Babies in the family are being born and it is wonderful to think of a whole new generation springing up. Visits from family as well. All these things happen in freedom, reminding me of those behind bars who are not free to enjoy them. Most of the women have children who are being formed without a mother's day to day presence in their lives. These are who we should be most concerned about.
There are lots of organizations who reach out to children of inmates, a worthy endeavor that won't be forgotten and much appreciated. Recently one woman was beaming as she told me of a visit on her birthday from her husband and children. I don't know what she did to wind up in prison. As I know her name, I could find out, but don't want to. Have you ever heard of something called Self-fulfilling Prophecy?
Teachers know that when a child enters the classroom he or she needs to not be judged by what their brother or sister before them did, or what scores showed up on tests or, even, what other teachers say. Each child needs a fresh start--otherwise your opinions based on what happened before becomes a Self-fulfilling Prophecy. It's a good rule to apply in life, don't you think? We can hope that as this new school year begins teachers will not negatively judge the integrity of the child whose parents is incarcerated.
It reminds me of some good advice given years ago. The giver said, "If you want to get along with your spouse or others, remember the F. B. I." F. B. I. is a little way of remembering the words, Family, Body and Integrity. What is meant is that if we make comments on another person's family, body or integrity, there is nothing they can answer back, except in defense. Think about it. What can we do about the families we are born into? They are what they are. We can leave our families and begin our own in a new place as many of our ancestors did. But, mainly, we try to learn how to get along because we all need a sense of family.
Our bodies? Well, we can gain or lose weight, if needed, but other than that or plastic surgery, our bodies are the vessels we have to learn to live in and be comfortable with. So, you can see that any negative comment about them will be very hurtful. Some of the most beautiful people I know are not what the world would call beautiful.
How about our integrity? Intergrity is defined as "uprightness of character, honesty. the condition, state or quality of being complete or undivided." If someone attacks our integrity, what can we do about it? We can only remain silent unless we risk becoming angry and losing our tempers.
In getting together with the women to write, we talk about Erik Erikson's Stages of Development. Erikson was a wonderful and long-lived man, with both a scientific and artistic outlook on life. Because of his long life he was able to observe in himself and others general stages of life. I would recommend doing a bit of online research and thinking about what he has to say. Here is a good place to start: http://www.simplypsychology.org/Erik-Erikson. During our time together at the prison, we work through Erikson's various stages and attempt to write about them. The women either use themselves or fictional characters to express each stage of living. The following writings are from our sessions. They were mainly inspired by Erikson's Stage Three, the Play Age, 3-5 years.
The basic strength outcome of this stage is Purpose. The most significant relationship is the the basic family. The child at this stage asks, "Why?" because of their need to take initiative and not feel guilty. I hope you enjoy the creativity of these women writing from the inside...
Vanished Without a Trace
by Mary Margaret
There was once a little girl named Mary who lived with Mommy and Daddy in a big new house. Her two brothers and sisters lived there, too, along with her pets. Mary's Mommy and Daddy worked on the new house which slowly began to resemble a perfect home. Her Daddy worked very hard at the local steel mill and her Mommy was a housewife. They were good times.
The wonderful new house was located in a small suburb of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. During this time, the 1980s, the steel mills in this region were the main source of income. Like many small towns in the great United States, steel mills were closing as the heads of these giant corporations could buy their resources and products more cheaply from countries like Japan.
One day, Mary's Daddy began to talk a lot about this problem. He began to pressure little Mary and her siblings to appreciate what they had. Soon, all the joy was gone from Mary's new house and her parents were fighting all the time. Her Daddy was home all the time now and Mary watched as he went into rages, attacking and destroying the furniture. Then Mary saw him turn his rage on her mother and an older brother.
Mary had a favorite doll named Nancy. She was Mary's best friend because her brothers and sisters didn't want to play with her. Mary was very lonely and spent a lot of time walking around the house with Nancy. Lovable Nancy was two and half feet tall and, unlike Mary and her family, Nancy was dark-skinned. Her mother told Mary Nancy was African-American. Nancy had long, dark eyelashes and short, curly hair. Mary loved Nancy with all her heart.
Although Mary would have loved to escort Nancy further away from her unhappy home, she was forbidden to even go away from the house with Nancy. "I'm not going to have her lugging that black, nearly bald doll around town," she heard her father say.
Mary's loneliness made her desperate and one day she was invited by one of her older cousins to play a "secret game." Mary had a lot of cousins, perhaps twenty at this time. She was too old to play with the ones who were toddlers and too young to play with "the big kids." The invitation to play was a wonderful surprise.
But, the secret game didn't feel just right and the older cousin wanted to play it more and more.
Mary didn't know how to say No to her older cousin. Her Mommy and Daddy were fighting, her brothers and sisters didn't want to play with her. There was no one to talk to about her loneliness and her desperation to be wanted. Mary began to have terrible tantrums and a pain in her head that wouldn't away. "You are a naughty girl," she was told over and over again. She became very sad.
Too young to go to school like the others, she stayed in her room, isolated as she heard her Daddy and Mommy shouting at each other day after day. But, one thing remained the same: Mary's love for Nancy and Nancy's love for Mary. They could still hold each other. Mary wanted to escape, to go away from this house and all its unhappiness.
Time passed and Mary started going to school. When she was asked questions, it was hard for her to speak up. Her voice was hoarse from all her tantrums. Her face would turn red in class and the other children would point and laugh.
But, then something good happened.
One day, Mary's oldest sister, Janey, walked into the room when Mary and her cousin were playing the secret game. Janey told their mother and the secret games stopped. But, no one talked to Mary about it. And no one would for twenty-five years.
It was Nancy who saved Mary's life during those years. God used a little doll to feel His love when no one else was there. Nancy has been gone for many, many years. Vanished without a trace.
Unless you've been loved by Nancy herself, like I was, you cannot know the comfort this black, bald, hard plastic baby doll brought.
The Chronicles of Jacob
by Dilynn
In the still of the night, a small voice cries out, "Mommy, Mommy." Alice runs to Jacob's room in a panic. "Mommy's here, Jacob." She bends over the bed and cuddles Jacob.
"Hurry, Mommy, get in bed before the monster gets you." Jacob folds his Power Ranger blanket back so his mother can jump in. "Let's cover our heads, Mommy, so the monsters can't find us."
Alice complies. "Now, Jacob," she says, "there's no monsters, I promise."
"Yes, there is, Mommy. I seen a big one. It was purple and had big ears and one tooth and it wanted to eat me. Mommy, I know it did. I just know it."
"Oh, Jacob, nothing will be eating you tonight, my precious little boy. Now, hold Mommy tight and go to sleep. You are safe in Mommy's arms."
Alice gently lifts the covers to shield her son, singing a lullaby as she watched Jacob's heavy eyes close and feels his heart beat next to hers.
My First Day of Kindergarten
by Sweet Truth
Hi, my name is Josh, and my first day of kindergarten was today.
Mommy said that means I'm a big boy now and I'm not a baby any more. I wanted to ride the bus with the older kids, but I'm not allowed to. It's too dangerous. Someone might steal me at the bus stop or something. I don't know, but you know how Moms are. They're always worrying. She says I'll understand when I'm grown up. Whatever.
Anyways, school was so much fun. It was a lot cooler than I thought it would be. Ms. Brown is my teacher and she is really nice. I like everyone. We had to stand up and say our name to the class. We had to take a nap. That kinda wasn't fun, but we had recess after, so it's Okay.
If we're good we get a gold star. If we get ten gold stars we can have a party once a month. I'm gonna do it!
I want a pizza party with cupcakes- chocolate ones. We have Show and Tell every week. I'm bringing my turtle.
We are going on a field trip to the zoo! I'm so excited. I have to get Mom to sign a paper for my teacher so I can go. It's gonna be the coolest trip ever.
I'm gonna make Mommy proud and make 100% on all my tests and draw her pretty pictures.
I've gotta go eat dinner, take a bath, brush my teeth and go to bed for school tomorrow. I'm gonna ask Jesus to come to school with me. Maybe I'll take Him for Show and Tell. Well, that would be awesome. No one would think of that! Jesus is my best friend and I want to share Him with everyone in my class. Yes, that's what I'm doing.
Gotta go! Mom's calling for dinner.
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